Brother
by sweetkakes
Summary: Mark's journey as he copes with losing his bestfriend. *AU - Slexie is alive.*


**This fic was inspired by the song Brother by NeedToBreathe. I wanted to try a one shot of what would've happened if Mark was still alive when Derek died. It's be in Mark's POV..so for the most part, I hope yall enjoy and let me know what you thought in the reviews:)**

 _You ever had that one childhood friend that you made future plans with? The kind of plans where you would precisely coordinate how many kids you'll have, what type of roof you'll live under, your car, and dream girl?_

 _That was Derek and I. We had those plans._

 _Had._

 _Wow, it's kinda weird saying that word. It's so...past tense._

 _Anyway, I remember when we'd have sleepovers and Derek would tell me what he thought was the ideal life._

 _He'd live in the suburbs with his beautiful wife and five kids. He'd own a red convertible and be a professional race car driver. And I'd be married to a super hot model chick with ten kids, living in a mansion with a huge monster truck and I'd become a professional body builder._

 _It kinda sucks, only having memories and photographs to look back on._

...

We're sitting in the very front of the outside funeral and it's a little chilly because we just finished the Winter solstice making the climate just a tad colder. It's funny because the Winter solstice was usually familiared with celebrations. You know; spending time with loved ones, feasting, dancing...

But it wasn't.

Instead, at Christmas dinner we were missing a person. His chair was still there but he wasn't.

I'm staring at the mahogany coffin in front of me when I hear clapping and my wife tugging on my arm gently, pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Mark, they're waiting for you." she whispered.

I nod and make my way up to the very front. Mrs. Shepherd asked me to do the eulogy because she knew she or any of the girls couldn't handle it.

I stare at the crowd in front of me and I know _he_ would've been happy.

There's Meredith, Zola, Bailey, and their newborn Ellis in the front row. Mer's eyes are full of unshed tears. Next to her my wife is sitting with a tear stained face, comforting her sister. With them are all the Shepherds. Kathleen is bawling into her mother's neck, Nancy is crying with her husband, and Amelia is sitting there emotionless followed by all our Shepherd Memorial Hospital friends and colleagues. Even Addison came. She's sitting in the back by herself and part of me feels a little bad. After the divorce, Carolyn made it clear she wanted nothing to do with the redhead. The only Shepherd who really ever let her in again was Amelia and that was because Addison was there for her when things got rough.

Did I mention we didn't even get to say goodbye? None of us did.

Only Meredith, since she decided to pull the life support plug without letting any of us know.

For a long time I resented Meredith Grey. I was angry, hurt, and for all the right reasons. She didn't let me say my peace. I didn't get to tell him bye, I didn't get to cry on his body and beg for him to wake up. But I know he wouldn't want for things to be on bad terms so I was working on it and myself in the process.

 _"You don't ever forget."_ I started. _"There will always be a picture that comes to new light, or a song on the radio that reminds you of him and you'll feel the pain all over again. I know I do."_

I started to go on about our friendship, the memories I had with my comrade. I look towards the closed casket for the first time since my speech.

"Thank you. For being an amazing friend, brother, and everything in between. I know heaven's a beautiful place because they have you."

Noone claps as I finish but I understand because it's unusual to clap at a funeral. I take my seat and shut everyone out for the rest of the service.

...

It's a year later and there's still a little hole in my heart. Everyone is still managing the best they can.

The hospital is still the same with the gossiping nurses and the eager interns.

Lexie has taken up Head of Neurology along with Amelia. They're a power team those two. Always pulling off the impossible. I'm proud of them. My wife and little sister honoring _him_ in the best way possible.

...

Our first son was born today.

Overdue and delivered at 41 weeks, he came into this world weighing in at 7lbs and 4oz.

He had the same weigh-in, born the same time and same day as _him_.

Carolyn was convinced _he_ was reincarnating himself into my baby boy.

"What's his name?"

"Derek Matthew Sloan."

...

It's that night in the hospital room, when everyone has left and Lexie is sleeping after being in labor for thirteen hours.

I'm holding Matty, which was what we started to call him and for once, everything seems right in the world.

I look up at the sky and see the moon shining directly on my son. He's fast asleep with his pacifier hanging out of his mouth. He looks like me, his mother says.

 _"He's a carbon copy of Mark, no doubt."_ she joked.

I grin to myself and look out the window once more and it's in that moment I swear I see _his_ face smiling in the moon.

I look back to my son and see that exact same smile.

...

I try to come to the gravesite as much as possible. Usually its me and Lex, or we come alone but never have we ever gone together with Matty.

It's been five years and like I said, you don't ever forget. But it's getting easier and my wife and son are helping with that.

When we finally reach _his_ headstone, the whole bunch of flowers that were there last week are gone, replaced with new ones I assume someone else put.

"Daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Who's dat?"

He points to a picture of Derek and I that was taken a few days before his passing that rests on the headstone. It's laminated so it wouldn't be damaged by the unpredictable Seattle weather. I put it there after the burial and it's been there ever since.

We were at Joe's and I remember he told me a horrible joke that resulted in uncontrollable laughter. We're laughing, totally unaware of the camera.

"That's Uncle Derek, my brother."

"Hacome I never meet Uncle Derek?"

"Uncle Derek went bye bye before he got to meet you. I'm sure he would've loved you though, buddy."

Matty looks down at the picture and runs his small fingers over it.

"I would've loved him, too."


End file.
